Why Don't Homeless People Go to Their Families For Help?
Often people wonder why so many homeless don't just go their parents or families for help. There are as many reasons as there are homeless.
While some homeless may have an option of going back to family, many don't have parents or any other family to ask for help, even if they wanted to. Many are old enough that their parents have passed away, or are in poor health and are not capable of helping anyone. A survey indicated more than 25% of those homeless in the county I live in (Pinellas FL) were over age 50. My parents passed away over 20 years ago.
An increasing number of young homeless never had real parents. In some homes children are treated as just a burden, being fed and housed but little more. Many are physically abused, though verbal abuse can be just as destructive. Some parents have more time for their purebred dogs and cats than for their children. Many parents are drug addicts and spend their time and money supporting their addiction instead of caring for their children, when the aren't in jail. Thousands run away from these conditions and end up living on the street.
Many homeless people may have several brothers and sisters, or other relatives. Many have grown-up children. Just because they are related doesn't mean they will help. They may not be capable of helping , will only grudgingly help, or will not have anything to do with these individuals at all. Some like to put on the façade that they have a perfect family, with no problems at all, and avoid any contact with relations who don't fit into the artificial public image they are trying to create. If even knowing a poor person may put their $100 thousand a year job in jeopardy, they will say "I don't know you". Then again, sometimes the entire family is homeless.
I'm not at all surprised when homeless people don't try to seek help from their families, considering the family I come from. A couple family members may help some, but will make it extremely clear that it's an unwelcome burden. Even asking for simple advice may result in hostility. Years before becoming homeless I even got hate-mail for Christmas and phone calls telling me not to contact them. Not long ago a family member said that I was luckier than him because my parents paid for my education. My parents never paid anything, and even discouraged me from continuing any education. I paid for all of it on my own, graduated, and found work on my own, in spite of their hostility. Who needs to be a part of a family that feeds on gossip and hatred? When people are continually called stupid and worthless by their own families it only discourages them even more.
Looking back on my own situation, I feel that I should have separated myself from my family once I became self-sufficient, and stayed away. There would probably have been lingering doubts about doing the right thing, but I now realize that it would have been the best choice. Not realizing that, I kept trying to be part of a family that never wanted me since I was born, and still don't.
Over 25 years ago I quit a good paying job in the midwest and moved closer to family. That was probably the worst decision I've ever made. It's taken me many years of grief, but I've finally learned that sometimes it's better to distance yourself from those who hate you.
I read an article about a couple discovering a long-lost relative who was homeless and almost starving. They welcomed him into their home and in time he went back to work. It's very rare that families will reach out and help their relatives like that. I certainly hope he's doing well.
Many homeless people have separated themselves from whatever family they had for their own reasons. While some well meaning people may try to make them get back together, it's not something for others to decide for them. People outside the family may not realize what's involved. Making a person go back to where they will be ridiculed doesn't help them get their life back together.
Better a dry crust with peace and quiet
than a house full of feasting and strife.
Solomon, Proverbs 17:1 NIV
www.homelessamerican.com                   HOMEPAGE
Many homeless have either parents, or a parent, and perhaps many brothers and sisters. Even so they remain homeless on the street, struggling to just exist. Why then don't they go to the family members and get some assistance.
Many homeless men have wives, or ex-wives, and children which they are not allowed to see. Even so they may be expected to pay child support. If they work and make some money, most of it is taken away. Some have their drivers licences revoked too, making it even harder to make enough to even support themselves.
email: clyde@homelessamerican.com
I have seen people, who were apparently family, yelling and swearing at each other in public and feel very glad that I don't have to even live near them. Many people live in homes where there is constant fighting and hostility. Being homeless is extremely difficult but not necessarily as bad as living in some homes. Two guys who were brothers once invited me to stay with them. After visiting and listening to about an hour of their drunken yelling I walked out and went back to my camp. There is no way I could live like that.